Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
