I'm lost and stupid without you.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He has the fingertips of a God
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