the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
