seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
should my penis look like a turkey
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
