thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
