well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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