Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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