your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
