defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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