so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
