I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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