Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize