I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
