First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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