so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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