Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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