I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
