I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
