I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
