Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
