remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
