Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
