Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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