i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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