Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
