its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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