Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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