perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
