Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
