so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
