allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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