He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
