I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
