Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
