After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
