i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
