you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
