apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
