I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
