i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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