I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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