I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I love how my cats smell like pot.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
