i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
