That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
