I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
