i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
