last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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