whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
