fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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