Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
