I think my fart just growled at me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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