Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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