just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
