And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
