So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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