Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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