Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
