Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
