He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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