I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
