You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
