five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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