i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
