One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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