My hand turned me down
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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