its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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