my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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