So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
