She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
