too bad you live with your parents still
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
