That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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