Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
