What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
