Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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