Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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