He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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