You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
