if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
