Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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