They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
