Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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