I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
