Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
