no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize