i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
