I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
