Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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