OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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