did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
