PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
