I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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