yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I cockslap morals
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
