Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
