Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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