the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
