i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
