I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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