i need an iv and a liver transplant
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
