You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize